Hello,
Trying to construct a positive outlook on this summer, considering the mess we are getting into. However, I'm having trouble deciphering the difference between "positive thinking" and fooling myself. What if I manage to construct a positive future for myself, only to find out that nothing has turned out the way I wanted. Is that really my own doing? I just wasn't positive enough? Can I really make the moon disappear by ignoring it?
I mean, no one wants to be the fool in the end, so maybe I could just keep all of my positive thinking to myself and no one will be any wiser. I do believe that I have to try everything in my power to keep who I love in my life, and while moving out isn't something that I want to do (with all of my heart I am disgusted by it), it is an experience that will push my own expectations of what love really is. I don't know if I can be heart-sick for an indefinite amount of time and survive, but we will see. This blog will be my testament--thank you, Internet. You don't know, anyway, maybe I am made of steel and brick and heavily treated wood. You know, nails and ammo and stuff.
I'm relying on my German descent to supply me with those things, but we all know how great I am at drinking beer and eating sausage.
Honestly, though, despite everything being absolutely against me, I'm not drowning in my own tears and wishing I could sleep until I'm happy again. In general I think sleep is nice when things are low. Helps the time go by when it's midday and you're not happy. Instead, I'm throwing all of my thoughts into getting a dog, and I'm starting to believe that I need the constant search for the perfect pup to get me through this. I don't know if I'll actually get one or not. I seem to lose interest when the perfect dog moment arrives.
Plus, I really don't want my dog to have heart-worms. You see? there is a fear around every corner.
Erin
